We're facebook friends in real life
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
