every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is wine microwaveable?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
