I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
