well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
