:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
