sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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