did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
