i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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