They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
