i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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