There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
