i don't like sucking hair
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
