im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
