Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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