There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
