at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
