the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I touched a dick in church today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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