Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
