3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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