A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
