Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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