yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
