but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
