Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
