So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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