My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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