i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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