just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
