Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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