Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
