i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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