I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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