i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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