omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
