I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
