just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
