So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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