I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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