My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
