So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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