Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
