He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
