You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
