it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
