My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
