So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
