I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
