I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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