guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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