I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
