i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
